Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
