Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
