So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
