My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
