yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
