Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
