Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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