hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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