I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
