if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
