You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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