Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
