Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
