Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
