I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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