Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
