I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
