There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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