we have pet lesbian snakes
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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