I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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