He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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