my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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