Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
