I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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