my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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