I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
