my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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