Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
