He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
