My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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