I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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