yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Randomize
