um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
