Duck Duck Cougar?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Do you remember whose house we're in?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
