She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
