You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
