its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
