I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
