Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
