you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
