you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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