remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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