The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
