That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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