Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
