when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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