I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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