I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
