There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
