I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
