That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
