It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
is wine microwaveable?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
