I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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