i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
