I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
