Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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